#job search is shit

[owlfromthemeadow]

Having a hard time today. Life kinda sucks atm, and I don't know when I can start making art again and genuinely enjoy it.

[thedisablednaturalist]

"It is illegal for an employer to discriminate based upon disability! So if you have no excuse if you are unemployed!"

Employers:

[ID: Snippets of job requirements. By bromantically]

1. "This position requires the individual to drive either a company car, rental car or his/her own car in the course of performing their job from time to time. Employee must be able to perform the physical functions of operating a motor vehicle, including use of eyes, ears, arms, hands, legs, and feet. Employee must be able to prove that he/she has a current, valid driver’s with no restrictions." The part that says, "Employee must be able to perform the physical functions of operating a motor vehicle, including use of eyes, ears, arms, hands, legs, and feet." has been highlighted.

2. "Ability to repetitively stoop, crawl, bend at the knees and waist, squat and lift 50 lbs; includes body weight, equipment, tools and boxes, in addition to ability to stand for long periods of time on varied surfaces. Must be able to stand up to five hours at a time." End ID.]

[bananonbinary]

so apparently.

if you google lyrics now it just gives you a fucking. ai analysis of the lyrics

thanks for fucking nothing, i was LOOKING FOR THE FUCKING SONG ITS FROM, NOT A ROBOT'S OPINION OF THE SYMBOLISM

[sovonight]

,

[save-me-im-feeling]

has anybody thought what if Fiddleford yet? Like, what if Fiddleford summoned Bill? He's a farm boy from Tennessee, sure. But he's also an engineer. Those people weld boxes full of chicken bones to their machines in hopes it'll make them work, I have no doubt in my mind that he would absolutely fuck around with dark powers beyond his compression for the sake of making the damn portal work. He built that thing with his own two hands. If a dream triangle were to go, "Hey, I can help you with that, for a price." I have no doubt in my mind he'd accept. And I have very little doubt that Ford would have any real problems with it. Bill could easily enact his exact same plot on Stanford while using Fidds as his proxy. Except he probably wouldn't have that moment of clarity when Fidds sees into the portal, cuz if Bill has his claws in him he probably wouldn't have seen anything wrong with what's happening and if he did Bill would probably get to him first/just possess him so Ford wouldn't know.

[uncanny-tranny]

Something I always wonder with the whole: "The lazy populous doesn't want to work!" is if it's only being said to keep minimum wage at the very, very lowest end of 'survivability.'

The "lazy worker" isn't truly a problem. The employers are.

[deadrlngers]

literally biting screaming losing my mind to hear back from the museum

[studywgabi]

I'm a Method Cashier!

And this was a role I could really sink my teeth into.

Okay, so, first of all, to work at Store there are 2 online applications, an online training course, 3 questionnaires for your references to fill out, 3 interviews (2 alone and 1 group), a background check, an unpaid 4-hr. orientation, a drug test, a pacer test, a polygraph test administered by an F.B.I. agent (and not like the sexy ones on Criminal Minds), a blood oath, and you have to be able to put on lipstick like Molly Ringwald in The Breakfast Club. Jesus, there are less requirements to be elected president. And a cult wouldn't make you jump through this many hoops to join.

My Marketable Skills: I'm a warm body and I'm not an asshole. I'm not going to say "we should hang out outside of work" to my coworkers or mouth off to the customers. Basically, you should hire me because you could do a whole lot worse.

But I couldn't just say that. I couldn't just be honest. It had to be, with tears glistening in my eyes: "It has been my lifelong dream to be a cashier at Store. Cashiering is my passion. I have 3 Ph.D.s in Applied Cashiering, Cashiering Theory, and Experimental Cashiering from Harvard University's School of Cashiering, and I completed a postdoctoral fellowship at Oxford University's St. Cashier Cashiering College. I have 97 years of experience in the field."

So, I get there, for the first interview, in my silly little outfit, mostly stolen from my mom's closet. I walk in and say excuse me to the first employee I see. She clutches her chest, looks bewildered, and says "excuse me" back.

Gabi, apprehensively: "Hi, I'm here for an interview, could I speak to a manager please?"

Employee #1, startled: "Yeah." She walks off and I assume I'm meant to follow her.

My dead name sounds vaguely similar to the name of a character from a classic poem you read the Wikipedia summary of in ninth grade English class. The first five letters are the same, but the character's name ends with an a, and mine with an e. Anyway, while we were walking, we introduced ourselves and she said, and I've never have cause to use the word "chortling" before, but if there was ever a time, it was then, "Well, your mother must have been a big The Poet fan, huh?" (as if I've never heard that one before). I mustered a polite chuckle and said nothing.

Employee #1, sneering: "You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?"

Gabi, wishing for death: "No, I know the poem."

Employee #1, under her breath: "Big deal."

The rest of the walk is silent. We turn a corner and see a boy about my age. She starts calling his name, he fully makes eye contact with her, and then turns and speedwalks away. She keeps calling after him and picks up the pace to reach him, but he outruns her. No need to watch the documentary through your fingers, the antelope is safe this time. It turns out he wasn't even the manager, because I meet her next. The interview goes okay and I get the second one. I ask a different employee this time. She says into her walkie-talkie, "Anthony, Gabriella is here for an interview, do you want to deal with that?"

Anthony comes be-bopping up to me at 1,000 mph. When he's still several aisles away, he calls out "Hi, Friend!!" in an acoustic guitar-playing, jeans-wearing youth pastor voice. He leads me to the office, racing down the aisles like there's an serial killer revving a chainsaw behind him, and by the time I catch up in my pencil skirt and heels, I'm panting and sweating. Maybe this is part of the interview: seeing if you can keep up metaphorically and literally. The weakest shall be sacrificed.

Tony asks me, not why I want to work at Store, but why I want to work in general, as if earning money to eat is a casual hobby, like knitting. He asks me if I've applied anywhere else, like Store is a jealous girlfriend. Then he asks me if I have any questions, and I know you're supposed to have something, so I pull a couple out my ass. After he answers them, he asks if I have any more, and, thinking I'm out of the woods, I say not for now.

Anthony, ominously: "You sure?" Slowly pan back to Gabi.

Gabi, brightly: "I'm sure I'll have more during orientation if I'm hired, but I think I'm covered for now. Thank you!"

(Beat.) Anthony: "Well, you know, I'm just gonna give you some advice: you really should have more questions. But don't worry, I'm gonna go ahead and tell you a little bit more about how the Store family does things."

45 minutes later, he asks for a third set of questions, and then, believe or not, a fourth. Sir, this is my interview. You're not a celebrity guest on The Fucking Tonight Show. If you're so desperate for me to ask you questions, why don't you apply to this job? Or do like the rest of us and pretend you're on Ricki Lake talking about how brave you are to share the story of your divorce from Tim McGraw and how it inspired your new album, "Warm Regards, Gabi," currently topping the country charts while you shampoo your hair.

Three business days later, my email: "Congratulations! You have been selected to join the Store Family! Please report for orientation next Wednesday at noon."

Another day, another dollar.

[anaalnathrakhs]

love this part of my life where the things that are difficult but challenging and good for me are things i can stop and skip and halfass, but the things that are difficult and painful and pointless are the things i have to live with no matter what

[katnissdoesnotfollowback]

No witchy Wednesday this week. Life decided NO.

[sergeantnarwhalwrites]

I wanna write something that's not just me repeating and hyping up the same shit in my CV and resume. What're we thinking? (This may or may not sway me)

I'm ripping out the taglist for this feel free to ignore it.

Tag list: @outpost51 @nanashi23 @winterandwords @jezifster2 @kk7-rbs @aether-wasteland-s @dumbthunder @manathen @the-void-writes @livums @vacantgodling (Let me know if you want to be added or removed from the taglist!) 

[sleepinglionhearts]

They always tell you to look out for Friday the 13th, but they never warn you about Monday the 13th

[kai-ni]

Completing this assessment will allow you to demonstrate the skills required for this role, so the employer can focus on your abilities rather than comparing resumes. This removes potential bias from the process, giving all candidates an equal opportunity to shine. The assessment will take 27 minutes.

What. I fucking hate it here. what the FUCK is this. Just read my resume

[nabsthevulture]

The dog training place texted me yesterday and said that they would reach out to let me know if they wanted to move forward with me or not

Pls pls pls wish me luck

[hwsforeignrelations]

RANT

[abyss55199794]

People who cant work at all and arent looking to are just as valid as people who want to work but can’t. wish we could reach a point of acceptance as a society for both